Parking Parade

Yesterday, I drove to that beacon of jail-house chic architecture, Umass Boston. It had been a long time for the UMB and me. Maybe too long?

I was happy to see that they had put in a light at the 93 north Umass exit offramp, where years ago I would just close my eyes and hope for the best, flinging the car into a lefthand turn. I was unhappy to see that all of the garage parking was closed. Having no other choice, I began to circle around the campus. Then I saw a sign for parking. $6.00 FLAT RATE, it screamed at me, and I screamed back.

"Where can I park that's cheaper?" I asked the attendant, outraged at the price. After all, this is just a shitty campus in South Boston, not Newbury Street. Dude just shook his head. Fine.

So I registered for a graduate education class. There was this woman being advised by two administrative type people, and so much to-do was being made over what classes she had to take. She had a paper in her hands that listed everything she had to take. "What's the big mystery?" I wondered. Then a princely little admin signed me up in two shakes, sent me to the bursar's and I had nearly forgotten about the whole flat rate thing by the time I was ready to leave.

I got a handsome note from the chancellor on my way out of the lot. Apparently, Chancellor Collins is looking forward to welcoming me back on campus for what he knows will be an exciting year. Only one little snag, though. Umass, everyone's favorite campus built above sea-level, may cave in on itself at any moment. See, senior colleagues have inspected the parking facilities, and they have found them unfit for cars. To fix the substructure would cost 160 million dollars, which wouldn't be "fiscally prudent." Chancellor Collins does his best to assure us that the foundation is structurally sound.

I'm doing my best to understand all of this jargon, but my heart of hearts is telling me that the foundation is in fact the parking garage. So how will I know that those depressing asbestos-laden walls of Wheatley Hall won't be the last thing I ever see when I start school this fall? Well, I guess I won't.